Farewell

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August has passed and September has arrived. It brings with it deadlines, requirements, test results, stress, and pressure. Like so many others, I feel like everything is piling up and it is downright overwhelming. But in the midst of all this, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.

On Friday night, I sat on the steps of my best friend’s dormitory and we talked. We’ve been pretty out of touch for the past few weeks so this was a perfect opportunity to just sit and be together. We started by talking about what we’ve been up to but after some time, I brought up that I would be turning 20 in less than 7 months. I told her about how fast everything seemed to going and she agreed. We began talking about the things we’ve done or have not done and I eventually pulled out my notepad and a ballpen. I told her that I should make a list of things I want to do before I graduate or before I turn 20. We came up with quite a list.

For the past few days, I’ve been doing some thinking about what I have to show for my four years in college. What I have to show for my life. I realized that I’ve been wasting a whole lot of time on people who don’t treat me right and things that don’t matter. I feel like I’ve been living the past few years in a funny little bubble. I keep thinking that every time I decide to change, start over or get a makeover, I’m popping the bubble but I’m not. I weaken it a bit but eventually fall back into what I began with. I thought I was being myself but I was being who I hoped everyone would love and accept.

I thought that in the summer, I found what I wanted and knew where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be with but now I know I had not. I know what I want now. I know what I need. I know what matters. And now that I know, I’m going to let this blog go. It’s been amazing having it. It’s a lovely compilation of my weird, happy moments and sad moments but I feel like I’ve outgrown it. I feel like it’s holding me back. It was great while it lasted but now, I need to do what I need to do, change, and be myself.

 

Followers, I will starting a new blog. It may not be like this one. In fact, it may not be anything like this one. This blog represents a ‘me’ that I’m learning to let go of. A ‘me’ that let what others thought poison how I acted and how I thought. A ‘me’ that had serious self-esteem issues and faltered whenever the word ‘fat’ was thrown around. I need to be stronger than that. Hell, I am stronger than that.

 

I’ll post a link to my new blog soon enough.

TTFN

Thank you!

Back On Track

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The past few weeks have been intense. It is midterm month so I should be accustomed to the stress that comes with it but the long weekends that have been turning up ruined my momentum. I was on a roll for a while. I was getting work done, motivated to work out, following my diet to a t, losing weight, and pretty darn happy. I am desperate to get back to that so this week, I’m going to go out of my way to get back on track. I gained about two pounds back and I just feel horrified. The stress has messed up my work out schedule and my eating habits. This cannot continue to starting today, I work out every day whether I like it or not. Strictly no rice and strict counting of calories.

 

I have roughly two months and a half to get to my goal weight. I can do this.

Just A Thought

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My current weight is 165 lbs. That means I have lost 14.3 pounds since I started in July. I am glad I am seeing some results. I am slowly but surely nearing my GW. 

I’m starting on a new diet and exercise regimen for the next few weeks. I signed up a website my dad gave me that can track my progress and forces me to write down all I eat and the kind of exercises I do. My goal is to lose about 20 pounds within the next 3-4 weeks.

I think I can do it. 

Finding Narnia On Youtube

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While chatting with some friends, one of them (her blog) sent a link to a song entitled ‘Good Occasions’ that she had found on Youtube by a band called Marble Sounds. I had never heard of the band so I clicked the link and gave it a go. I think that was one of the best decisions I have made this week. The song was great with an uplifting beat. On the page of the video, the sidebar resembled a candy store. The photo stills for each video were colorful and the titles were so different. I decided to open them and the next thing I know, I have about fifteen tabs open on my browser. I created a new playlist on my Youtube account so I could dump all these new finds there. It became a sort of shopping cart.

I begin listening to each and every one, falling in love with indie and unknown bands that play superb music with great lyrics and have such a unique sound. Eventually, I came across one page that had a Spanish song so I, naturally, clicked and had a listen. Soon, my shopping cart of a playlist had indie Spanish songs and techno/house music in the mix.

I had found the awesomesauce-hipster-amazeballs-Narnia section of Youtube. It was like finding a secret aisle in a grocery store that was filled with all your favorite things. I’m not entirely sure how I got to some of the songs I got to but I am overjoyed that I did. Music has always been able to help me even when I never thought I needed help. Tonight was one of those days.

After tonight, I do not think I can go back to listening to music I usually listen to without feeling like the world is horribly unfair. How can some artists with so-so talent and so-so music be famous and earning so much when these jewels remain hidden. I will never know. In a way, I consider myself lucky. I happened upon some amazing music and I got to hear some good music that not many people get to listen to.

Here is the link to the playlist I made tonight. It has 200 songs. Enjoy! http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL4051291C55943BC1&feature=mh_lolz